CHAOS as new self-driving buses immediately crash into each other

Colchester’s much-anticipated self-driving bus service got off to a predictably unpredictable start yesterday, as the first two vehicles on the route managed to collide within minutes of launching.

The incident, which took place just outside the city centre, has left local officials scrambling for explanations – and passengers wondering if anything has really changed.

The futuristic, AI-powered buses were introduced to bring efficiency, reliability, and modern technology to a transport network not traditionally known for any of those things.

However, within moments of setting off, the first two vehicles attempted to pull into the same bus stop at the same time, resulting in what one witness described as “a slow, awkward hug between confused robots.”

“It was a bit like watching a bus driver trying to remember the route, only with fewer sudden U-turns,” said Jake, a commuter who had been waiting for the service but wisely chose to remain on the pavement.

“One bus stopped, then the other tried to reverse, then they both just gave up. Honestly, it felt pretty authentic.”

No one was injured in the incident, though passengers onboard described the experience as “unsettling, but no worse than usual.” One commuter, Gary, reported that the bus had just announced ‘approaching destination’ seconds before bumping into its robotic counterpart.

“I wasn’t expecting a smooth journey, but I did think we’d at least make it past the first stop,” he said.

A spokesperson for Firstbus defended the system, calling the crash a “minor teething issue” and emphasising the potential of AI to transform local transport.

“The buses are learning and adapting every day,” they said. “Of course, that does mean they’ve now learned how to cause a traffic jam – but we see that as a step forward.”

Professor Sloth from Colchester Research Association for Sustainable Highways (CRASH) was not impressed with the new technology.

“Frankly, I fail to see the improvement,” he said. “For years, Colchester’s buses have been unpredictable at best – sometimes they arrive, sometimes they don’t. Now we’ve just automated the chaos.”

He added that while self-driving technology has potential, it might have been wiser for the bus company to first master the art of making a timetable that bears at least some resemblance to reality.

The incident comes just weeks after CRASH published their findings into the efficiency of public transport.

Both buses have been temporarily taken off the road while engineers tweak the software. In the meantime, Colchester residents have been reassured that normal, human-driven buses will resume service as usual — meaning delays, diversions, and the occasional bus that just doesn’t show up will continue unaffected.