Colchester bus services revealed to be ‘fastest in the world’ amid new study

A new study has revealed that Colchester’s public transport system is unrivalled globally. The catch? You need to have the speed of a marathon runner to make it anywhere on time.

The study, commissioned by the Colchester Research Association for Sustainable Highways (CRASH), found that buses in Colchester offer “a unique experience” for commuters.

Walking between bus stops was found to be a more reliable mode of transport — provided you don’t mind a brisk pace and a bit of sweat.

“We found that Colchester’s buses could be the fastest in the world if you time them just right,” said Professor Tim Sloth, lead researcher.

“The issue is that this timing is never, so really, it’s all about how fast you can walk before you get overtaken by your own frustration.”

The study also revealed that the average bus in Colchester moves at the pace of a “confused tortoise trying to read a map.”

“We tested every route,” Sloth explained. “In each case, walking beat the bus by at least 15 minutes—sometimes more, if there was a slow-moving pigeon in the way.”

Speaking to The Colchester Times, Colchester City Council said that they are actively looking at ways to address these concerns.

“We’re exploring multiple options and we are liaising with bus companies.

“We will soon be trialling a new initiative where passengers push the bus to ensure it remains on time.”

Despite the criticisms, Colchester’s buses remain highly popular — mostly for their ability to provide commuters with a fantastic excuse for being late.

“I just tell everyone the bus is on ‘Colchester time’ - no one questions it. It’s the new ‘fashionably late’,” said one commuter.

The study concluded on an optimistic note: “Although Colchester’s buses aren’t fast, they offer something far more valuable — time to reflect on life, because that’s how long it’ll take to get anywhere.”