Police called to suspicious man in Castle Park — turns out he was just thinking

A routine afternoon in Castle Park took a dramatic turn today when police responded to multiple reports of a “suspicious individual” sitting alone on a bench, staring into the distance.

Responding officers approached the man cautiously, worried that he might be engaged in subversive activity such as self-reflection or problem-solving.

However, after a tense 20-minute investigation, they determined that the man was, in fact, simply thinking.

Eyewitnesses described the scene as “unnerving” and “highly unusual.” One concerned dog walker, Sandra, recounted her chilling encounter.

“He wasn’t on his phone, he wasn’t scrolling, he wasn’t even pretending to look busy. He was just… sitting there. Looking into space. Like some sort of lunatic.”

Another bystander, Greg, initially suspected foul play. “At first, I thought he was plotting something, maybe a heist or a really passive-aggressive Facebook post. But then I realised—he was just deep in thought. It was unsettling. Nobody does that anymore.”

A spokesperson for the police later issued a statement confirming that, after thorough questioning, the man was found to be completely harmless.

"Following our investigation, we can confirm that the individual was neither a threat nor an influencer. He was simply thinking. We appreciate the vigilance of the public and urge anyone who witnesses similarly unusual behaviour to, perhaps, just mind their own business next time."

The man in question, who wished to remain anonymous, was reportedly “just contemplating life” and was “a little startled” by the ordeal.

Sources close to him say he has since returned home, where he plans to resume his thinking indoors, away from prying eyes.

Meanwhile, Castle Park has now returned to normal, with residents reassured that the area remains safe for acceptable activities such as jogging, staring at phones, and feeding ducks.

Authorities have advised the public to remain calm and remember that, while rare, thinking is not yet a criminal offence.