Parking warden awarded for writing 4,000 tickets in a single afternoon

A Colchester parking warden has stunned local authorities and enraged motorists after managing to issue an unprecedented 4,000 parking fines in just a single afternoon.

Witnesses described how Al Clampett, a dedicated civil enforcement officer, was ticketing cars with a speed and precision never before seen, with several drivers claiming he printed multiple fines before their engines had even been switched off.

"I parked up for just two minutes to grab a coffee, and when I came back, my windscreen looked like his machine had exploded," said Barry, a disgruntled driver. "One of them was for 'parking with intent' – what does that even mean?"

Others were penalised while still driving their vehicles, caught in what Al allegedly referred to as “pre-parking infractions.”

One motorist, who was approaching a red traffic light, said, “I hadn’t even stopped yet. In fact, I had no intention of parking at all! I was just minding my own business when this parking warden jumped out from the bushes!”

Despite the outrage, Al remains unrepentant. “Rules are rules,” he said while rapidly printing another batch of notices. "If anything, I was being generous – I should have fined everyone much more than I did.”

Council officials insist the surge in fines is purely coincidental and not a ploy to boost revenue. However, sources close to the matter suggest that the enforcement officer is now being considered for a national award, with the possibility of a statue being erected in his honour—though parking near it will, of course, be strictly prohibited.

In an impromptu ceremony, Colchester City Council presented Mr. Clampett with a framed certificate, which read: "For Outstanding Achievement in Parking Enforcement."

His manager, Sheila, described his feat as “a milestone in modern ticketing” and suggested that his work would be studied for years to come.

However, the public has not shared the council’s enthusiasm. Speaking to The Colchester Times, one shopkeeper said: “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but at this point it’s probably better to just leave the car at home and take the bus.”

Several residents have called for a public inquiry, arguing that such an extreme approach to parking enforcement is unsustainable. Some fear that future fines could extend to even more ridiculous charges.

“I’m just waiting for the fine for 'parking while thinking about parking,'" said one local resident. "Or ‘breathing too close to a yellow line.’"

While residents wait to see whether Mr Clampett’s award will lead to further recognition—perhaps even a commemorative parking space dedicated to him—one thing is certain: the future of parking enforcement in Colchester has been set in stone. And that stone, of course, will be in a no-parking zone.