Motoring misery as A12 SHUT DOWN after goose takes over carriageway

Traffic on the A12 was brought to a complete standstill earlier today after a single goose positioned itself in the middle of the carriageway and refused to move.

The incident, which began at approximately 07:45 near J28, caused severe delays for commuters, with tailbacks stretching for several hundred miles. Despite repeated efforts from drivers, police, and at least one man armed with a loaf of bread, the goose remained firmly in place, seemingly indifferent to the disruption.

Authorities initially assumed the bird had been injured, but after closer inspection, it became apparent that the goose was simply choosing to stand there.

Officers from National Highways arrived on the scene within 20 minutes but were reportedly “hesitant to engage” after recalling the notorious case of an officer who attempted to move a Canada goose in 2019 and was forced to retire following an aggressive honking incident.

A police spokesperson confirmed that officers attempted a number of gentle de-escalation techniques, including waving their arms, shouting “Shoo!”, and attempting to reason with the bird. None were successful.

“It just stood there,” said one officer. “It made eye contact a couple of times, but it didn’t acknowledge us in any meaningful way. I can’t rule out the possibility that it was doing this on purpose.”

Stranded motorists took to social media to express their frustration, with some suggesting that the goose was a paid operative sent to test public patience. Others began theorising that the bird was staging a protest, though the exact cause remains unclear.

One commuter claimed the goose was simply exercising its right to exist in the space. “If anything, we’re the problem,” he said. “The goose is just going about its day. It’s not its fault we built a major road through its natural habitat. Maybe we should be asking why we were in its way.”

This comment was met with a mixture of agreement and anger, with one driver responding: “That’s all well and good, but I was trying to get to work and now I’ve wasted two hours watching a goose stare at my car.”

At around 10:50, minutes after a diversion was put in place, the goose reportedly looked in both directions, honked once, and then calmly walked away towards a nearby field.

Its motivations remain unknown, and with no official statement from the goose, authorities have been left to speculate whether this was an isolated incident or part of a larger pattern of avian disruption.

In a statement, National Highways assured motorists that “lessons will be learned” and is considering a range of measures, including clearer signage for geese and a potential early warning system in case of future incidents.