Man who said he was going for a ‘quick drink’ still at pub six hours later

A man who ventured out for a “quick drink” at The Stubborn Oak in Wivenhoe on Saturday evening has left friends and patrons baffled after an unexpected six-hour marathon at the bar.

Scott, 29, left his house at 6:30pm, promising to return by 8pm and assuring his mates it would be “just one pint.” By midnight, however, he was still at the bar, on his seventh drink, engaging strangers in a lively discussion about the pub’s wooden beams.

At 7pm, Scott had already moved on from a light-hearted debate over which crisps best complement lager to expounding on the subtle intricacies of the pub’s ales.

By 8pm, he’d ordered his second pint, declaring, “One pint is a journey, not a destination,” much to the amusement of the bar staff, and by 9:30pm, Scott was in full swing, passionately explaining the physics behind “throwing the perfect dart.”

“I thought he was joking at first,” said Mark, a regular. “But when he started lecturing on aerodynamics and comparing crisps to life’s grand design, it was clear this wasn’t your average quick drink.”

The night continued with Scott delivering what could only be described as a TED Talk on lager at 10:00pm, complete with a detailed discourse on the “perfect pour", insisting a proper pint must boast a head the size of a small dog. His verbose musings, though elaborate, left everyone both bemused and entertained.

At 11:00pm, he took centre stage at the pub’s karaoke session, offering an “aggressively off-key” rendition of “Sweet Caroline” that still managed to rally the crowd into demanding an encore.

By midnight, with his seventh pint in hand, Scott was enthusiastically discussing pub furniture design with a stranger he’d only met an hour earlier. “At this point,” added Steve, another patron.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts analysing bar stools as expressions of the human condition. If he does, we might need to call for backup!”

In a final twist echoing his earlier declarations on culinary metaphors, Scott was overheard proclaiming that the earlier debate over crisps and lager was merely the opening act of a grand ‘beer pilgrimage’ – a journey only a true connoisseur could appreciate.

Local authorities have not commented on the matter, though some regulars are already joking about launching a “Where’s Scott?” social media campaign to track his pub escapades.