The Great Snail Migration of Colchester: is it an attempt to flee?

Colchester residents have been left baffled by an unusual phenomenon sweeping the city: an apparent mass migration of snails.

Local resident Steve first noticed the exodus while walking his dog. "At first, I thought I was imagining it, but then I saw dozens of them, all heading in the same direction — towards the A12. I don't know where they think they’re going, but they seem determined."

Some speculate the snails are making a desperate escape. "Maybe they’ve had enough of the potholes," said Lisa, a barista at a local café.

Others believe it's climate-related. "With all the rain we've had, perhaps they're seeking higher ground," suggested Dave, an amateur meteorologist with a suspiciously large collection of umbrellas.

Not everyone is convinced there’s an exodus at all. "It’s just snails being snails," said Margaret, a self-proclaimed snail enthusiast. "They move around all the time — you just don’t usually notice because, well, they’re snails."

Still, the pattern has been hard to ignore. Cyclists have reported slippery patches on certain paths, and multiple drivers have expressed concern about the sheer number of shelled travellers venturing onto the roads.

"I had to stop the car at a zebra crossing because there was a group of them inching their way across," said Jamie, a taxi driver. "They didn't seem to be in a hurry, but they had a clear sense of purpose."

Theories about the snails' motivations are multiplying as fast as they can move, with some suggesting they’re engaged in an ancient migratory pattern lost to history, a relic of a time before pavements, roundabouts, and bus lanes.

Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists have entered the chat. A growing number of Colchester social media groups are abuzz with speculation. One particularly popular theory suggests that the snails are attempting to flee an impending disaster only they can sense.

"Maybe they know something we don’t," said one commenter ominously, before linking to a YouTube video titled Snails: The Silent Prophets of Doom.

Local businesses are already finding ways to capitalise on the craze. A bakery on North Hill has launched a limited-edition Escargot Éclair while a pub near Castle Park has renamed its slow-pulled pork sandwich The Snail’s Pace Special.

Even a local tour company has jumped on the trend, offering guided "snail safaris" through the most densely populated migration zones.

Regardless of the cause, one thing is certain: Colchester’s snails are on the move. Whether they’re fleeing, exploring, or simply lost, only time — and perhaps a very patient observer — will tell.