First Essex announces another major bus route shake-up, because why not

Just three years after the introduction of the Shuttles and EssexBus network, First Essex has announced a brand-new set of changes, including a major overhaul of Colchester services.

The latest restructure will see the S-numbered Shuttles services scrapped and replaced with a new 50-series, a mere three years after the S routes replaced the 60s.

Among the changes, the S1 and S2 (previously the 61 and 65 prior to 2022) will become routes 51 and 52 respectively, however the S8 will become the 55, and the 86 service to West Mersea will be renumbered to the 55A. But if you’re heading to West Mersea in the evening, you’ll need the 68 instead.

Elsewhere, the S3 and S9 – which replaced the 66 in 2022 – will be combined into one route again, the 53, with the S5 and S10 being scrapped entirely after First realised the routes were stealing passengers from the S4, making the company effectively compete against themselves.

First Essex insists the new routes and timings are aimed at making services more efficient and easier to understand. However, passengers have been quick to voice their concerns at the third major restructure in recent years.

“I look forward to the next rebrand. I’m hoping for something ambitious like astrological signs or Pokémon names,” said one weary commuter. “I could really get behind catching the Route Jigglypuff to Highwoods.”

A spokesperson for First Essex claimed the latest changes would provide “a more logical network layout”, though admitted the numbering was determined via a random number generator and a dartboard in the staff kitchen.

“We really think passengers will appreciate the clarity,” they added, gesturing to a colour-coded map that even an MI5 cryptographer would struggle to decipher.

Professor Sloth from the Colchester Research Association for Sustainable Highways (CRASH) called the move “an exciting leap backwards.”

“It’s truly fascinating,” he said. “In all my years researching transport, I have never seen chaos deployed with such reckless precision. It’s as if they studied every functioning system and asked, ‘How can we do the exact opposite?’”

Meanwhile, a representative from the Strategic Highways Improvement Taskforce (SHIT) offered their full support: “We believe this change will revolutionise the passenger experience. After all, you can’t miss your bus if you don’t know which one you were meant to get in the first place.”

Despite the supposed improvements, many Colchester residents remain baffled.

“I’ve lived here 40 years,” said Sandra. “I used to get the 61. Then it was the S1. Now it’s the 51. Next year I assume I’ll need a Ouija board and a ceremonial chant to summon the correct bus.”

Others have taken a more pragmatic approach. One local has reportedly started carrying camping equipment with him in case his route vanishes again mid-journey. “I once got on the S10 to Greenstead and ended up in Glasgow. I'm not taking any chances.”

Meanwhile, no updated timetables or notices have appeared at bus stops across the county, leaving internet-less passengers in what critics are calling a “mystery travel experience.”

When asked what the next set of changes might look like, a First representative declined to comment, but did whisper something about "phase four" and "bus routes printed in invisible ink".

The Colchester Times will continue to monitor the situation and will provide live updates on the day of the changes.