First Essex achieves 'environmental milestone' after entire fleet breaks down

First Essex has proudly announced the achievement of “World Emission-Free Day” after all of its buses broke down yesterday.

The transport company, which serves a wide network across Essex, declared that what appeared to be a complete breakdown of its entire fleet was, in fact, a carefully planned and orchestrated event aimed at raising global awareness of emissions reduction.

A spokesperson for First Essex explained yesterday that the unplanned disruption, which left thousands of commuters stranded across the county, was merely the beginning of their “innovative new initiative.”

"We’re thrilled to announce that today, we have achieved zero emissions across all of our bus services," the spokesperson said with evident pride.

“We want to reassure the public that today’s lack of bus services was not due to any issues with our fleet. This was always part of our broader strategy to make a meaningful impact on emissions. We are proud to say we have reduced our carbon footprint to absolute zero today.”

According to the spokesperson, the company had been planning “World Emission-Free Day” for several months, but the logistics had to be kept secret in order to preserve the element of surprise.

"This is an unprecedented event in the transport sector," they continued. "By taking our buses off the roads, we have demonstrated just how much of an impact we can have on emissions when we really commit to the cause. The world should take note. First Essex is leading the way in sustainable travel!"

In what appeared to be a further attempt to justify the disruption, the spokesperson added, “This groundbreaking event is a part of our broader commitment to environmental sustainability. We're even in talks with world leaders to make this a globally recognised event in the coming years.”

Despite the company’s confident announcement, the public response has been anything but positive. Commuters, many of whom were left stranded by the suspension of services, were quick to express their disbelief.

"I don’t think they understand what ‘planning’ a day off actually means," said one frustrated passenger. "I would have preferred they actually run their buses rather than cancel everything and call it a victory."

Another commuter, clearly unimpressed by the company's message, remarked, "I’m glad they’re saving the planet, but I really just wanted to get to work today."

When asked if more service disruptions would occur in the future, the spokesperson responded, “I will admit, sometimes we do encounter unforeseen operational issues, but you have to look on the bright side: we’re saving the planet.”

The company also promised that in the coming weeks, First would be introducing new initiatives to “further demonstrate the commitment to net zero.” These include the potential for “bus-less days” where, once again, all vehicles would be removed from the roads to “help the planet breathe.”

The Colchester Times reached out to the managing director for First East of England for an in-person interview about the initiative. However, with no buses in operation, reaching their offices was impossible, and thus, no comment could be obtained.

As of now, commuters are left to reflect on a day where not a single bus ran, and First Essex’s vision for a “greener future” appears to be rooted in the complete absence of services.

Whether this bold initiative will have lasting environmental benefits remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: First Essex has made an impact — mainly on the Essex economy and the patience of its commuters.