Disaster at Essex Highways after repair vehicle destroyed by pothole

Essex Highways has been forced to suspend pothole repairs indefinitely after its only repair vehicle was severely damaged… by a pothole.

The incident occurred earlier this week when the crew was allegedly on its way to assess road damage. The vehicle struck a pothole with such force that a wheel came off, leaving it undriveable.

The driver and two crew members suffered minor injuries and are currently off work with whiplash.

Essex Highways spokesperson Mr. Phil A. Hole confirmed the situation, stating: “We have inspected the damage and can confirm that the pothole is indeed a pothole.”

However, an attempt to claim for the damage was rejected, as the pothole in question reportedly “did not meet the criteria” required for repair—despite being severe enough to take the repair vehicle off the road.

The setback has created further difficulties for the team, who now face a complex insurance dilemma. As the damage was caused by an unmaintained pothole, motorists would usually submit a claim to Essex Highways.

However, as Essex Highways itself is responsible for road maintenance, this would mean filing a claim against themselves. The admin team is said to be struggling to process the situation, with one insider admitting, “No one is quite sure how this works.”

Budget constraints may further delay any resolution, with Mr Hole adding that funding had been allocated to new amber flashing lights for the vehicle, yellow spray paint to mark potholes, and a longer measuring tape to ensure the latest road craters could be accurately documented.

When asked whether the repair team could travel to sites on foot to repair the potholes, Mr Hole confirmed that this was not an option due to health and safety concerns.

“Walking to sites would put too much strain on our team,” he explained. “Plus, our Health and Safety department would insist on fitting orange flashing lights to our hard hats, which would be far too costly. And frankly, our workforce shouldn’t be expected to resemble minions.”

With no pothole repairs expected in the foreseeable future, motorists are advised to take extra care on the roads. “If people do need to drive, we request that they use their eyes to visually identify any potholes,” the spokesman added.

“We would like to remind Colchester residents that the Rapid Transit Scheme is currently under construction and should be fully operational within a matter of decades.”

The Colchester Times will keep in touch with Essex Highways for any updates on the situation.