The zoo was closed to the public during the inspection
Colchester Zoo was thrown into chaos yesterday as zookeepers rushed to conceal its 200-strong animal population ahead of a surprise inspection by the landlord.
The landlord, Mr. Rentsalot, reportedly has a strict no-pet policy across his properties, including the sprawling 60-acre zoo. "I don’t care if it’s a goldfish or a Komodo dragon," Rentsalot said previously. "Rules are rules."
Staff worked tirelessly, disguising enclosures as car parks and repurposing penguins as garden ornaments. By midday, a team of keepers had turned the elephant enclosure into what they described as "a rustic allotment for very, very large vegetables."
To complete the illusion, staff hurriedly covered all zoo branding with hastily printed signs reading “Tim’s Tranquil Retreat – No Animals Here.” Even the main entrance sign was swapped out for one advertising "Colchester’s Largest Garden Centre."
Sources say the landlord arrived promptly at 2 p.m., nodding approvingly as he inspected the “beautifully landscaped gardens” that just hours before housed a herd of zebras. "Nice shrubbery. No sign of animals," he reportedly muttered, stepping around a turtle disguised as a moss-covered rock.
In what staff are calling the "high-stakes climax," a tiger was smuggled into the gift shop, where it pretended to be a life-sized plush toy. "It was touch-and-go when the landlord poked it," said the shop manager. "But it didn’t blink. Incredible self-control."
Reports suggest the landlord left without noticing a thing, though there was a brief moment of confusion when he heard a roar and was told it was "just the wind." As he drove away, staff breathed a sigh of relief and began extracting animals from their hiding places.
The zoo has since resumed normal operations, but insiders say the stress of the visit lingers.
"We’ve got 12 months to come up with a better plan," said the manager while retrieving a flamboyance of flamingoes from a storage cupboard. "Maybe next year, we’ll just tell him we’ve started a petting zoo."
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