Essex city unveils tallest building in UK, immediately falls over

A historic day for British architecture ended in chaos this morning when the newly unveiled Summit Tower in Colchester, officially declared the tallest building in the UK, collapsed just moments after its grand opening.

The structure, which was meant to put Essex on the map as a hub of modern engineering, instead put it on a growing list of national embarrassments.

The 450-metre skyscraper was proudly revealed to a cheering crowd in the city centre, with local officials cutting a ceremonial ribbon and boasting about how the project would "redefine the skyline of Essex."

However, within minutes of its official inauguration, the tower began to sway ominously before dramatically toppling over in what one witness described as "a slow-motion disaster."

"I was standing there, taking pictures, thinking how impressive it looked," said one onlooker. "Then suddenly, there was this groaning sound, like a creaky old door. Next thing I know, the whole thing is tipping like a giant game of Jenga."

Miraculously, no one was seriously injured, as the building fell in what experts later called "a highly fortunate direction" — collapsing into an empty car park rather than the high street. Witnesses reported a moment of stunned silence, followed by a quiet but undeniable round of polite applause.

The project, initially hailed as a symbol of Essex’s growing influence, had been controversial from the start. Colchester City Council insisted the tower would attract investment and tourism, despite concerns from engineers that its rapid construction and "cost-effective materials" might pose structural issues.

Speaking just before the collapse, the city’s mayor had confidently declared: "This is a shining example of what we can achieve when we think big. Colchester deserves to stand tall, literally."

Unfortunately, less than five minutes later, the city was left with little more than a very expensive pile of rubble.

An urgent investigation is now underway, with officials scrambling to determine what exactly went wrong. Some experts have pointed to suspiciously short construction times, while others have questioned whether using budget-friendly materials such as "lightweight concrete alternative" was a wise decision.

A representative from the construction firm responsible for the project insisted they had followed all necessary regulations, stating: "While the collapse is unfortunate, what’s important is that, for a brief moment, we had the tallest building in Britain. No one can take that away from us."

Meanwhile, local officials are distancing themselves from the fiasco. One councillor, who had posed proudly with a ceremonial hard hat just hours earlier, refused to comment when asked whether he still stood by the project. Another simply muttered, "We probably should’ve paid for that safety inspection."

With Colchester now facing millions in damages and an uncertain future, questions remain about what will replace the ill-fated Summit Tower. Some locals have suggested a simple park bench, noting that "at least that’s unlikely to fall over."

For now, Colchester holds a new record — not for the UK’s tallest building, but for its shortest-lived skyscraper.