Colchester High Street to close for six months as Netflix films new drama

Colchester’s High Street will be closed to the public for six months to accommodate the filming of a brand-new Netflix Series, ‘A Town of Moderate Interest’, it has been revealed.

The series, which has been described as “a bleak yet fascinating study of small-town frustration”, will reportedly follow the lives of Colchester residents as they struggle against an onslaught of minor inconveniences, including roadworks, endless queues, and inexplicably expensive parking.

Netflix producers say they chose Colchester for its "naturally cinematic atmosphere of despair" and "an aesthetic that already looks like a crime drama, even when nothing is happening."

In preparation for filming, set designers have been hard at work ensuring the High Street achieves just the right level of dreariness, with the few remaining shops being boarded up as a “finishing touch”.

A spokesperson for the production company explained that the closure is necessary to allow for full immersion, as “viewers need to really feel like they’re trapped in a never-ending cycle of council incompetence.”

To maintain authenticity, certain real-life elements will remain untouched, including the inexplicably long wait times at the post office, the constant presence of roadworks crews that never seems to be doing anything, and at least one man loudly complaining that the town “used to be better.”

The exact plot of A Town of Moderate Interest remains unknown but one episode will reportedly feature a shocking conspiracy involving the local council, a rogue traffic warden, and a series of mysterious road closures that never seem to end.

The closure has already sparked frustration among residents, many of whom believe that Netflix executives have underestimated just how disruptive the High Street already is without additional interference.

One local shop owner expressed confusion over the decision, pointing out that most people already avoid the High Street because, well, there’s nothing there, and that Netflix “could have just filmed it as it was and saved themselves the trouble.”

Filming is expected to last for at least six months, though delays are anticipated due to unexpected weather conditions, scheduling conflicts, and the inevitable discovery of ancient Roman artefacts every time someone tries to dig up a road.

The exact release date is unknown, but the first episode is expected to air at some point.