The Colchester Times confirms return following devastating AA battery shortage
The site had been offline since 2025 due to a major logistics failure involving a wireless keyboard
COLCHESTER is breathing a collective sigh of relief today after a catastrophic twelve-month media blackout was brought to an end by a successful trip to Poundland.
The Colchester Times abruptly fell off the internet in mid-2025 following the office running out of AA batteries, rendering wireless keyboards useless and leaving reporters with nothing but a sense of defeat.
Rumours had circulated that the site’s absence was due to a sophisticated cyber attack, or a hostile entity from the Colchester Gazette, however a spokesperson today confirmed the crisis.
“We tried every remote control we could find in the office, but they were all AAAs,” Hugh Mann, senior reporter, said.
”I thought to myself, well, why don’t I go up town and buy some new batteries? But the logistics of a trip to town became too daunting, considering I would have been relying on a First bus to get me there.”
”Thankfully, a breakthrough occurred this morning when one of my colleagues successfully navigated the city centre and secured a multipack of generic brand AAs for 90p.”
This is a breaking news story. More as we get it.
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